The Game of Life
In this post I reflect on a conversation I had with Daniel Zack and who I believe the winners in life are.
At first glance, Daniel Zack seems like a pretty ordinary guy. With a lanky build, slight text neck, and his headphones always by his side, he definitely gives off a bit of a nerdier vibe. Without actually getting to know him, you probably wouldn’t have guessed that he has over $3 million dollars in tournament winnings. You wouldn’t have known that he lost half a million dollars in a single day playing cards. You wouldn’t have known all the crazy stories and experiences that have led up to him becoming the man he is today. After conversing with him over lunch, I realized that there is much much more than what originally meets the eye.
Daniel’s story always fascinated me.
Not only because he defied all odds and became a high-stakes titan at an incredibly young age (I love a good success story as much as anyone else). But additionally, how remarkably similar his experiences were to my very own.
Initially grinding up free-rolls and busting multiple accounts when he was still in high school, then proceeding to drop out of college (not once, but twice), and going near broke playing in big LA home games with famed NBA players, Dan’s journey was anything but ordinary.
Like many young poker players, Dan initially struggled with believing that the end goal as a poker player was to maximize his expected value or hourly as much as he could. During college, he would head to the casino each Friday afternoon and stay up each weekend all the way until his Monday morning class began at 10. The days following those 72-hour bender sessions, he would be in hibernation, unable to be seen or heard from for days. Sitting across from me, he chuckles as he recalls those days as a zestful and exuberant young gun, willing to do whatever it took to make his dream come true.
I, myself, have had plenty of those similar sessions. The ones where I would walk home in the early morning while everyone else was just waking up and beginning their day. Upon arriving home, I would often pass out within minutes. Once I awoke from my slumber, I would feel like an empty shell of a human being, groggy with an incessant ringing in my ears. It quite literally felt like I was dying, probably because I was.
Despite being disgusted with myself, I didn’t change my habits for a while. As you may have guessed now, this lifestyle was quite unsustainable.
So, why did I and many other players fall into this trap?
When I asked Dan this question, a fervent spark lit up in his eyes.
“For me it was quite simple. I was simply just passionate.”
I pressed on further.
“Passion aside, have you ever struggled with fulfillment over the years after deciding to go down this career path?”
Without hesitation, he firmly responded, “Not at all. I look forward to each day and love what I do. I decided that playing competitive games is how I wanted to spend my time.”
And his story checks out. It’s an impressive feat to thrive in such a game with such cutthroat competition for over a decade. Dan was possibly the last player to come up during the Moneymaker boom, able to successfully transition from the pre-solver days to a post-solver era, and despite playing a substantial amount of volume each year, he still has the same love for the game that he had when he first started.
I was therefore not at all surprised when Dan told me that despite receiving countless offers from various Hedge Fund companies, he has turned down each offer. As our conversation carried on, his love for the game was almost palpable. I sensed it when we chatted about the countless fascinating hands that were played over the years or spoke about all the interesting characters that we have both met on this journey. Dan, like myself, could talk about poker indefinitely. After spending a good portion of our lives eating, sleeping, and breathing poker, it was heartwarming to have the chance and talk with someone who fully understood me.
After conversing with Dan, I had an epiphany that achieving fulfillment may be much more simpler than what I originally thought.
Ful"¢fill"¢ment /fo*ol'filment/
Noun:
A feeling of happiness because you are doing what you intended to do in your life
A feeling of pleasure and satisfaction because you are happy with your life.
It’s important to note that both definitions of fulfillment relate to how we feel. For so long, I got it all mixed up. I believed that how I thought should be indicative of how I felt.
In the book, The Happiness Hypothesis, NYU psychologist Jonathan Haldt uses the analogy of a rider and the Elephant as an emblematic image of how our mind operates. Halt argues that the mechanisms in our brain are based, on one hand, the rational, reflective side which analyzes, deliberates, looks to the future (the rider), and, on the other hand, our emotional side which feels pain, pleasure, compassion, etc (the Elephant). Sitting atop the Elephant, the rider holds the reins and appears to be in charge. However, the rider’s control is precarious and if the rider and Elephant are in disagreement, it is expected that the rider will have to submit to the Elephant.
We all have this inner Elephant in us that we choose to ignore. We tell ourselves that we’ll be happy once we achieve a particular goal or status: buying a home, getting a promotion, or starting a family. The problem is that people seldom find the happiness that they believed they would on the other side of the achievement. The secret to happiness, I believe, is to align the Elephant and the rider on the same path. Instead of looking outside, we should examine and be true to our feelings from within.
To put this into a more practical perspective, let’s consider a hypothetical situation of two ambitious young men: Charlie and Tyler.
Charlie, at a young age, decided that he believed acquiring money would make him fulfilled. No matter what it would take, he would do whatever it took to reach his arbitrary goal of having an 8-figure net worth.
Tyler had a different life approach. Money was still important to him, but he didn’t set any financial goals for himself. He found fulfillment and purpose in making small but continuous improvements each day in his personal and professional life. Money, he believed, would naturally come as he progressed further along his journey.
After many years go by, there is a stark difference in how Charlie and Tyler feel about themselves.
Charlie chose a career path that he was less passionate about, but since it paid better than other career options, he begrudgingly stuck with it. When he was worth 6-figures, he told himself that once he made 7-figures he would start prioritizing other areas of his life, such as starting a relationship and having a family. However, once he reached 7-figures, it wasn’t enough. He now had to make 8-figures before he would be content. Charlie would sacrifice his sleep and social obligations just to reach his goals. Although Charlie didn’t seem particularly odd on the outside, internally he could never get away from the feeling of not being enough.
Tyler, conversely, stayed true to his feelings. He found enjoyment in sticking to a strict schedule and being purposeful about his work. He wouldn’t prioritize making an extra dollar over commitments to his friends, family or his significant other. Tyler didn’t end up making as much money as Charlie over the course of his career, but found himself with a much higher degree of life satisfaction.
The reality is, we live in a world with a lot of bad actors. People feel the need to pretend to be someone they’re not, often as a response to an overwhelming feeling of insecurity with letting people see who we really are. It’s our attempt at overcoming our thoughts that we, just as our true selves, are not worthy enough. No matter how hard we try and put on a show for others, however, we cannot fool ourselves.
As humans have evolved over the years, we have become an ultrasocial species. Halt elaborates that gossiping is one way of how we as humans became ultrasocial. Gossip tends to be critical and is used to police the moral and social violations of others, e.g. don’t talk with that guy because he is a womanizer. Gossiping, along with reputation makes sure that what goes around, comes around. It’s a way for us to connect with others and have a better sense of our moral compass. Without gossip, people would get away from disrespectful, selfish, or antisocial acts.
So, how do you win at the game of life? I have found that ones who are winning in life are those who are able to be their true authentic selves. People can sense inauthenticity and will let others know the minute they see it. Social animals are smart animals.
I would urge those struggling with fulfillment or happiness to be introspective and be in-tune with your inner feelings. Don’t let the outside world cloud your judgment or determine your happiness. And above all, be a good human.
“So let us reflect on what is truly of value in life, what gives meaning to our lives, and set our priorities on the basis of that. The purpose of our life needs to be positive. We weren't born with the purpose of causing trouble, harming others. For our life to be of value, I think we must develop basic good human qualities-warmth, kindness, compassion. Then our life becomes meaningful and more peaceful-happier.”
-Dalai Lama
